To Know Solitude is to Know You.

The hardest thing for many to do, is to know yourself. 

I always say I usually don’t like being alone but I can’t help to admit that it is was in those moments spent alone, in those special moments that I’ve created the most beautiful pieces. My mind is free & my thoughts are clear. There is a special advantage in knowing and bridging the gap between how we think we are and how we really are in reality, even though writing is my escape from it all. Self-discovery & self-awareness is what I am starting to embrace is what’s most significant. It’s why I know myself so much now.

More than anyone else thinks they should, I have my own connection to myself. & shouldn’t it be that way anyway? Yes, I have people I love and want to be around but I am not dependent on timg_4947hem. I am growing in my own Independence because I want control of my own life. I wanted to find a way to become more intimate with my own ideas, the opposite of how distraction works, solitude gives you peace of mind.

The silence turns into words while creating my work and I fall in love with what I do all over again. I used to feel paralyzed, afraid & alone, it was only me and my thoughts. Suddenly my uninterrupted thoughts from the silence started to consume me. This is where my work comes from when I am alone. It always feels right. Solitude at its best. The single most important part of my everyday life. The feelings I want to feel forever..<3

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Millennial Money 

“Whether it be money, time or heart, invest wisely.” 

When it comes to relationships the millennial generation still has a lot to be learnt about finances while in relationships. This topic is often put on the back burner because we are seen as “young”.


 I’ve had two long term relationships prior to my current relationship. These experiences and relationships have both  taught me and prepared me for my current relationship’s success. From sharing income with my past partners, to living with them and sharing everything in between. I’ve dealt with pretty much everything you could imagine. If there is one thing that brings both people involved back to reality, it’s called MONEY.

 In today’s generation we see a lot of people in relationships who may have a hard time finding work or having a hard time keeping a steady job. For those of you who have a career it may be a bigger issue if you are making more than your significant other.

So how do we cope with it all? I know for me, my past experiences allowed me to really realize that I needed to get my finances in order for me to be happy in the relationship. I had to realize that we weren’t married, and no one person should rely on anyone’s income to sustain the relationship. Living with my partner I had to realize that both individuals need to be committed to paying bills, not leaving that burden on one person to pay for it all. It takes two to tango and we’re no only talking about under the sheets people! It also takes two to go over your finances each pay period. It is important to write down every bill you have, writing down what day those bills fall on and when you get paid to pay them. Things that my boyfriend and I are doing now. 

img_3253-1 Most young people I’ve come across don’t really know how to manage their finances the way I’ve been doing mine in my relationship. A great example of how my boyfriend and I manage our finances is by saving as much as we can. We each have separate saving accounts and checking accounts. Each pay we save 10% of our paycheck no matter what. We keep our purchases extremely low while still being able to enjoy our youth and spend time with each other. We also talk about our finances and goals with each other often. This helps to motivate us to continue our savings plans. If you get paid on different pay weeks try managing your spending with the person who gets paid first. There was nothing I couldn’t stand more than spending money knowing I wasn’t getting paid that following week. For small purchases see if your partner can take care of it that week and next week when you get paid you’d cover expenses. It takes stress off of you and more stress off of the relationship.

How I paid my bills was by using the Envelope method and by splitting my bills in 1/3, 1/3, 1/3. For example if I had a $200.00 bill that was due on the 30th of every month and I was in a new month, I would spilt that 200-divided it by three and saved 1/3 of of it until the 30th so instead of paying 200.00. I put away x amount of dollars each paycheck (depending on how many times you get paid) until My bill was due on the 30th. This allowed us to have more spending money for the things we wanted to do and allows me to save more.

I can’t stress enough how good it is to spilt your payments up before the bill is due. Remember a little bit always goes a long way and less is more! Even if it is by half the amount. It is much better than paying it all in one lump sum. I had to find a way to be smart about my spending and this has not only helped me pay off bills in a timely manner but it has helped me save more than I ever have.

 Just know this will take much discipline but if you are serious and in a committed relationship you will make a concerted effort to improve your finances. Not just for yourself, but for the both of you. If you plan on being in a long term relationship and moving in together. My goal was also not to be a burden to my lover. Which is why I never really asked for much and I understood that he has his own responsibilities he needs to tend to. Being open and honest about whether you have the income or not to carry out certain activities is always a plus. I also understood that we both have jobs and thats’s why I made sure to get whatever I could on my own.    

If you are not living together or if one person had an apartment and you are always over try to contribute an amount that you both agree on. A contribution that will not brake your pockets and something that you know your partner agrees with. Keep in mind, I suggest you let the person who’s helping decide if they want to contribute or not. It is not their responsibility to give you money for an apartment you made a decision on getting. How ever if the man/woman is really into you and loves you they will most likely offer to help you out. Especially if the person stays over occasionally. 

 I think we like to play house until we realize it is not a game. We become responsible for bills in our name and suddenly they end up on our credit so be mindful when playing house. When things go wrong it could define your financial future. I had to understand that finances are something that was not really discussed at the beginning of my relationships in the past when it most certainly should have been. It may seem like it is something that is sensitive to talk about but it is so necessary. Especially if you plan on being with the person long term and eventually moving in with them. Another great decision I made in my current relationship.

Before you move in make sure you both lay out all of what it will take to make it work for the both of you. Making sure you both have jobs, making sure they are stable, and making sure you are in a relationship where communication is open. No hidden bills, and knowing when you each get paid. Knowing who is responsible for which bill depending on who gets paid more. Most important saving and splitting the bills you are responsible in 1/3 before each bill is due if that method works for you.

 

Speaking about finances in my current relationship gave me a sense of relief. It also helped me to trust my partner on a new level. Being open about the bills you have to pay is okay to talk about to. I suggest you find a way to become comfortable speaking about them because it’s what affects most of our lives anyway. It is what causes so many breakups and nasty situations. Learn to be open and comfortable about who makes what and how much you can handle. Learn to put your pride aside and understand that you two are a team, you are in this together and you only want the best for each other.

 The more you save, the better off you both will be. When you are married it is important to make sure to keep this communication in the relationship. There maybe times where you may not have the funds and your partner does, it happens and will happen. Just make sure not to take advantage of them, love them and always do what’s best for you and your pockets. I hope this helps those of you who decided to read about finances in the Millennial generation.Your partner will appreciate you much more for that and always remember it takes two. Try it, your future self will thank you!

Compared To Who?

“Social Media is training us to compare our lives, instead of appreciating everything we are. No wonder why everyone is always depressed.”

After having a short conversation with some women I am well acquainted with on how their men view their relationship shortly after, it wasn’t to my surprise that the word “compare” came up. If you ask me, there is nothing worse than comparing yourself let alone your personal and intimate relationship with someone else’s relationship.

Notice how i threw in the words personal and intimate. Okay so let me get this straight: so you are comparing your relationship to that of another relationship where two completely different people share two totally different personal and intimate time together. However, just because they appear to be happy and only expose or say the things they want the world to see as the “perfect” relationship values where they know it is the right thing to do- you feel the need to compare. Is this really why some feel the need to compare their current relationship to  someone else’s? It really does sound silly. Comparing your relationship to someone else’s is like comparing your child to another parent’s child. It just does not make sense.

I also believe that a lot of people do not realize that what people choose to do in their relationship is their own decision and belief.

For example, Just because one man decides not to be intimate with their significant other until marriage does not mean that other men can look at their situation and feel the need to take his belief into to serious consideration. You don’t know what that couple discussed before they’ve chosen to come to such conclusion.  It is not a law, it is a belief meaning this man believes (whether it’s based on religion or solely his belief) that if he is not intimate with his lover , their marriage will be good for it. Well how does he know for sure? I know many relationships where the decision was made to save themselves for marriage and their marriages ended up in the divorce court. Who do we have to blame for this then? God? Self? The media?

“Intimacy is not purely physical. It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.”
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Being intimate is apart of being in a relationship. IT JUST IS. I am not going to sit here and not talk about the “pink elephant” in the room when really its just a big old gray elephant that we all know of and what we normally see. Not to mention how normal it is for two people to reproduce. For me, I need to experience my lover fully before I make a commitment to them for the rest of my life. How miserable would i be if i decided to wait until marriage knowing i knew nothing about them when it comes to being physically intimate. Will I get to know my lover better than someone who waits? I do not know because there are different opinions and beliefs on how sex can cloud a persons judgement of their lover. Well guess what- sex should NOT be the reason you hold back from the person you love before marrying them. Or something as simple as before you can show any type of affection towards the one you love. It may be one of the reasons influencing your decision but i don’t necessarily think it should be the main focus.  If it is your belief there is no argument. I am not here to tarnish anyone’s religion or strict beliefs. However if you are not religious and just want to compare your relationship to another persons just because you think it will improve your relationship, you may be wrong. Learn to love your partner for the same reasons you two have fallen for each other without worrying about marriage or sex.  Or because you see other couples doing it because “you get to know the person on a new level”

you create that level with your partner You make it so that when your partner needs you on every level in your own personal intimate relationship you are able to meet their needs. That is how you make a relationship work.  Not by trying to compare your relationship to someone else’s based on the other person’s beliefs. Love is different, all love is unique even if you tried to mimic every move of another’s relationship; even then it would still be different. Sex should not be the only reason you are saving yourself for marriage and it definitely should not be the reason you are depriving your sweet lady from her natural tendencies for physical touch, love and happiness. If you are you are letting those things be the center of your relationship. Don’t make comparison the center of your relationship either– to me, there just isnt room for comparsion when you are in a a commmitted relationship, when you are in your own unique love.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic so feel free to comment below!